JOKES

[MR B]

Does anyone know any good jokes? Post them here.

A man, a flamingo and a cat walk into a bar. The man buys the round of drinks, then they leave. The next day, they go into the bar and the flamingo buys the rounds of drinks, then they leave. On the third day, even though it is the cats turn to buy the drinks, it refuses, so the man buys the round. When he is buying the drinks, the barman says 'how come you're paying, and not the cat?' The man replied 'I found a magic lamp and when a genie appeared. I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy!'

[BRINA]

Big bad wolf said to little red riding hood 'Unbutton your top and let me suck your tits.' 'f**k off' she said pulling down her pants 'And eat me like the f**king book says.

[fun fun]

two flies on a pussy which one can u tells on drugs?

the one on the crack ha ah ha ;D

[ha ha]

what do you call two black men in a sleeping bag?

a twix ha ah ha

[haha]

There once were three ants that got caught in a storm. They needed shelter, so they went inside a mansion. The mansion was deserted so they went up to the bathroom to sleep. The first one said, ' I'll sleep in the sink.' The second said, 'I'll sleep in the bathroom.' The third one said, 'I'll sleep in the toilet. The next day the ants asked each other how well they slept. One said 'I slept fine.' The other one said. 'I slept fine too.' The one in the toilet said. 'Well, i didn't sleep good. First it rained, then it thundered and then a big log hit me!

[she say]

Three man are homeless and living in new york, a bajan, trinidadian and a jamaican. They are hungry and think of an ingenius plan to get a free meal. The bajan goes into a resturant and orders a two course meal, after the meal he asks the water for a glass of water and gets up to leave. When the waiter approaches him to settle the bill he says "i already paid". Its a busy resturant so thinking that he may have made a mistake the waiter apologises and allows the man to leave. On seeing his friends sucess, the trinidadian goes in, he orders a 4 course meal and a cocktail and gets up. Once again the waiter approaches the man for payment to which the trini replies " i have already paid". This time the waiter is sure that he recieved no payment but as he does not want to cause a scene he allows the man to leave. The Jamaican goes in. He orders a ten course meal with a red stripe, when he finishes his meal he asks the waiter for a cigerette he smokes the cigerette and waits for his food to digest before getting up to leave. The waiter approaches him for payment for his meal to which the jamaican replies "so mi nuh pay yuh already?" The waiter cannot take anymore, he tells the jamaican "look, so far two men have come in here today looking just like you, each have orederd large meals and insisted that they paid alredy when i asked them to pay now i am sure..." the jamaican man interupts him " a nuh fi mi business dat, jus gimme mi change"

[ha ha]

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly she
spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over
to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather
upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped her.

Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed
and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But, as she turned
back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we
help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and
acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asked,
"Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say
that if you farted just by pressing it, you are going to shit when you
hear the price.

[ha ha]

Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"
Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"
Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
"OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the w L thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth.
You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."
The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot !
won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."
"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.
They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping
and then silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says. "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[scary]

When watching this video, turn the volume up load and read it before you watch it. Happy viewing
www.video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3385579284690408654

[WOW]

scary said:

When watching this video, turn the volume up load and read it before you watch it. Happy viewing
www.video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3385579284690408654

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

YOU GOT ME I NEARLY PISSED MY PANTS

[heart attack]

That really did frightened me me nah go lie. If i had a weak heart, me would a dead

[Kay]

Ever wonder way men think alot and women talk so much?
Men have 2 heads and women have 4 lips.

[Kay]

What word starts with an 'F' and ends with 'K' that means alot of heat and excitment?
'Firetruck'

[jo]

check this out
www.blogging.typepad.com/funny_pictures/weird_pictures/index.html

[catti]

a born again h tian testifies one day in church and says"a want to thank the lord for making me stop cursing those bumbo claats and psssy claats in jesus name!"

[spgy]

two boys competed with each other in a spelling test. after many words one says can "spell mosquito!" the next one seh "mosquito ? mi tink yuh did a go gimme one big word like cow!"

[spgy]

pastor was broke one morning on his way to church and noticed a nice hand a banana on someone's land. he then decided that if he didn't get enough offering, he was coming back for the banana.there was no offering collected so he came back and looked at the bananas and said "the lord is my shepherd i see what i want!" and from behind a yam hill the owner of the bananas replied "if you chop that bananas you shall surely lie down in green pastures!"

[spgy]

when break time come a school everybody flock round miss girlie pickney dem. a dem bring di grater cake fi sell. this is like a tradition even teacher a push dung pickney fi buy!

one day one pickney turn an seh to di rotten teet one, "a how mi onnu grater cake dem so nice?" di pickney tunn round an smile an seh "mama wash out him mouth before shi chaw di Cnut!

[spgy]

blackman , whiteman, and chineyman were up for execution but given a choice of how to die. whiteman say him prefer drown, chiney man seh him prefer hang, both their wishes were granted. blackman came up and said to inject him with the HIV sick. that was happiliy granted by an injection. he was freed and as he walked down di road him turn round and buss a dutty laugh and seh. "a pity dem nuh know, i man was wearing condom!

[spgy]

countryman a travel fi di first time and go pan a plane a come a britain and when him soon reach and look at di window him si fields and pastures and jump up. "one stop driver!!! ooh a mussy dis a di buzzer!"

[spgy]

a countrybreda a fly and there was turbulence. being his first time he was just frightened. the airhostess came by and asked him the buckle up. he couldn't keep it in any longer and started to rail! "after man pay them oomuchy money come pan dis oonu waw come bruck down? ! bruck down oonu hear! cause mi naw cum out go push a ho"